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商务信函中的连篇累牍(二)

句子层面的冗长和重复,思维和表述上重点不清晰。

1. Most industrial relations specialists recommend that employees participate in job evaluation, although many employers think that employee participation is not desirable. 大多数的劳资关系专家都推荐员工参与工作表现的考核,虽然许多顾主认为员工参与并非良策。

Revised versionÖ  Most industrial relations specialists recommend that employees participate in job evaluation, although manz emplozers do not share this point of view.

2. Although it is our policy to accept returned merchandise that is in good condition, returned merchandise that is in good condition, returened merchandise that is not salable can not be accepted.虽然我们公司的政策同意收回完好的退货,但是我们无法同意收回在也卖不出去的退货。

Revised versionÖ  We accept only merchandise that can be resold.

3. When we print your form letters, your customers will not recognize them as form letters. The letters will appear to be individually typeßwritten. 当我们为您承印统一格式信件时,您的客户将看不出来它们是同一格式信件。这些信件看起来就像是专为个人所写的。

Revised versionÖ  When we print your form letters, your customers will think they are individually type-written.

4. It is possible, of course, that the damage occurred because of faulty packing. An even greater possibility is that  the shipper was careless in storing the merchandise for safe shipment. In any event, we'll do everything possible to ship a replacement this week. 当然,这次的损坏有可能源于包装的疏忽。但是另一个更大的原因可能是货运公司在装载的时候出新大意,不顾货物的安全。无论如何,我们会尽可能地在本周内重新出货。

Revised versionÖ  It is possible, of course, that the damage was the result of faulty packing. More likely, howerver, the carton was stored improperly by the shipper. In any event, we'll try to send a replacemnet this week.

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